A Heart Divided

“Teach me your way, O Lord,

that I may walk in your truth;

unite my heart to fear your name.” Psalm 86:11

Unite my heart to fear your name.

I have a divided heart. Every day my heart is divided, between the things of this world and the things from above, between what Jesus wants me to do and what my flesh wants me to do. There are so many temptations surrounding me, pulling me away from the purpose God has on my life, the purpose He has on every day He gives me.

It’s easy to think God has a purpose for our life and look at that as a future-focused idea. Yes, God has a purpose for me, somewhere out there in front of me. Once I get past this certain stage in my life. Once I’m spending more time with Him. Once I have more time in the Word. Once I have more time, period. But God has a purpose for my life now, today, in whatever I am doing, however I am doing it. That’s intimidating. But it’s also exciting. I don’t have to wait until I get some big dramatic call on my life for me to follow Him, to follow his plan for me.

All I have to do is allow Him to teach me his ways, that I may walk in his truth. And that’s a process. An ongoing process, one that won’t be finished until we see glory. It’s an everyday process, one that can and must happen in the day to day of our ordinary lives.

Teach me your way, O Lord.

In order for Him to do this, I have to read the Bible. How else am I supposed to learn his way? I wish I could say this was easy for me, but unfortunately I struggle constantly with it. Why is it so hard to just sit down for a few minutes every day and read a few verses? I can’t even use the excuse that I don’t have time to read. I read every night before I go to sleep. I read during my son’s naps. I read things on the Internet way more often than I should. Why is it so hard to read the Bible? I hate it.

But this is what has to happen for me to walk in his truth. I can’t just hope and pray that his truth will magically descend upon me as I go through my day. Not to say that prayer isn’t huge in this process, but I can’t expect God to teach me his ways without going to his Word to see what He says about himself. I’m just not that good of a pray-er. No one is.

And this divided heart thing. It’s sort of a chicken or egg predicament. Am I not walking in his truth because my heart is divided, or is my heart divided because I’m not walking in his truth? Maybe a little bit of both. Certainly the reason I’m not in the Word as much as I should be is that my divided heart seeks other things to fill it. But on the other hand, the more time I spend with Him, and the more I learn about Him, the less divided my heart is, and the more dedicated it is to Him.

And here’s where I should provide some neatly packaged answer to how to fix this predicament. Except I don’t have the answer. But there’s always grace. And I know if I seek Him, even in my own half-hearted ways, He will honor my seeking (Matthew 7:7). Thank goodness I don’t have to do this alone, without his help.


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